


Love Isn’t Easy (But It Sure is Hard Enough)

by tooberjoober



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: M/M, abba’s here, also abba, it’s Weird, the usual enterprise crew is here and all
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2020-06-26 16:44:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19772290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tooberjoober/pseuds/tooberjoober
Summary: Okay so get this. Ya know the band ABBA? They’re actually aliens that use their music to feed on the emotions of people. The Enterprise is called to find and defeat them, but will the band bring some hidden emotions to light?





	1. S.O.S.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello it’s me, back at it again with a weird fic that comes outta nowhere. Anyways hope someone gets some joy outta this. Each chapter is gonna be focused on one song or another from ABBA (and the title is another ABBA song which is a bop), first song is SOS (again: bop).  
> Anyways enjoy, and if you do, let me know!

A tall thin humanoid steps on the stage of a little club on Starbase 79. She flips her long blonde hair out of her face and looks out at the crowd. She’s dressed in the style of Earth in the 1970s, flared denim pants and a similarly denim crop top. With flared sleeves. Her eyes sweep over the crowd, her empathic senses gauging the emotions in the room. Boredom mainly. Her lips quirked into a small smile, showing a row of far too perfectly white teeth. That would soon change.

She grabbed hold of the microphone as she glanced back at one of her band mates, giving them a nod. She looked back to the crowd. _“Where are those happy days? They seem so hard to find.”_ Even with the first line there was already a small measure of interest piqued in the crowd. _“I try to reach for you, but you have closed your mind.”_

Another humanoid woman joined the stage, this one a brunette. She exchanged a smile with the other woman.  _ “Whatever happened to our love? I wish I understood. It used to be so nice, it used to be so good.”  _ They could both sense the excitement that was growing in the crowd as they came close to the chorus. 

_ “But when you’re near me, darling can’t you hear me S.O.S!”  _ The small sleepy crowd began rising to their feet and moving along as the music sped up at the chorus.  _ “The love you gave me, nothing else can save me, S.O.S!”  _

* * *

_ When you’re gone, how can I even try to go on? When you’re gone, though I try how can I carry on? _

The quartet looked over the room, the crowd that had filled the club draped over every available surface, some lying comatose on the floor.

“That should tide us over for a bit.” The bearded brunette said, patting his stomach contentedly, despite the fact thattechnically they ate nothing and only absorbed the energy from the crowd.

“Where to next?” The blonde woman asked, flashing her too white smile at her companions.

“Wherever the music takes us.” The blond man said, with a similar smile.

* * *

“Captain,” Uhura called, turning to look at Kirk. “We’re getting a call from Admiral Pike. He says it’s instructions for our next assignment.”

“Patch it through to my ready room.” Jim said. “Mister Spock, come with me. Sulu, you have the con.” He gestured to Spock, pointing to his ready room. 

Spock left his station without reluctance, easily catching up to his Captain. They walked the short distance to the ready room. Jim sat in a chair, Spock stood to his side. Jim spared a brief glance to his first officer. “There are plenty of chairs, you know, Mister Spock.” He teased lightly, unable to stop himself. “Or do you just prefer it when I’m looking up at you?” A fond smile touched his lips.

“I’m afraid, unless I were to sit on the floor, you would still be looking up at me.” Spock quipped back, the corner of his lips tilting upwards in that Vulcan smile.

“You know one of these days, I’m going to write you up for insubordination.” Jim responded. Spock’s only response was a flash of amusement in his eyes. Jim pressed a button on the table, accepting Admiral Pike’s call.

“Captain Kirk, Mister Spock.” Pike nodded, appearing on the screen. “Nice to see you both in good health.”

“Same to you, Admiral.” Jim responded with an easygoing smile. “What’s next on the to do list?”

“It’s…it’s a unique situation.” Pike’s smile faltered slightly. “There’s a pop band. They take on different forms to match whatever planet or base they’re on. They seem to be feeding off of the crowds they pull into their shows. Scores of people passing out for hours, sometimes days, at a time.” Pike shook his head. “We want you to find them and put a stop to them.”

Jim nodded thoughtfully. “Where were they last seen?”

“Alpha Quadrant, Starbase 79.” Pike responded. “The rest of the information will be sent to you shortly. Any questions?”

“Not right now.” Jim glanced over to Spock. “How about you, Spock?” Spock shook his head. “Alright. We’ll get on it.” 

Jim reclined in his chair as the call ended. He looked up at Spock, squinting as though he were looking at the sun. He smiled. “This is the life, isn’t it Mr. Spock?”

“Pardon?” Spock responded with a tilt of his head.

“Sailing the stars, defeating bad guys with our friends.” Jim answered. “That’s the dream, right?”

“Calling them ‘bad guys’ lacks an important sense of nuance.” Spock said thoughtfully. “These creatures likely do not have real malicious intent, rather they need to feed and have found new ways to achieve that basic goal.”

“You know what I mean.” Jim responded with a fond expression.

“I do.” Spock never quite knew how to respond when that level of fondness was turned to him. He glanced away from Jim.“All I ask is a tall ship and a star to sail her by.” He quoted with a thoughtful air.

Jim grinned. “Precisely, Mister Spock.”

Spock silently envied Jim’s easy expression of joy. It was something he’d never express. He hardly understood it himself. He had spent so long striving towards that ideal emotionless Vulcan state, but now he was surrounded by humans where emotions were not repressed. They were openly expressed and even celebrated. Spock had become more used to the blatant emotionalism over the years, but he still found he wasn’t good at expressing them. He watched Jim stand and stretch, a hint of his midriff made visible by the action. Spock let out a breath, quickly averting his gaze. Perhaps it was for the best he could not express himself.

Jim glanced at his friend, who was seemingly extremely distracted.  _ You seem so far away, but you are standing near.  _ He tried to shake the feeling that something had changed between them.  _ You made me feel alive but something died I fear.  _ Nothing had changed. Spock was as difficult to read and understand as he always was.  _ I really tried to make it out. I wish I understood. _

Jim and Spock exchanged a final glance, the atmosphere of the room had changed somehow, but neither understood how or why. They headed back to the bridge to inform the crew of their new mission.

_ What happened to our love? It used to be so good. _


	2. Does Starfleet Know?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so song for this chap is “Does Your Mother Know” it is less integrated and more a background song and shit. Anyways there’s more plot than there is Spirk in this one, but I had fun.
> 
> Hope y’all enjoy some more of this weird shit and if you do please please please let me know!

Sulu and Chekov stepped into the club, immediately feeling out of place in their modern uniforms.

“Sheesh, I know they said this place was retro, but this?” Chekov glanced around at the beaded curtains and orange wallpaper that looked like it belonged in a dream. “What is this? Twenty first century?” He asked, scrutinizing the mess of carpeting that covered the lounge areas.

“Twentieth.” Sulu responded, a small smile coming over his face as he examined the beaded curtain they walked through. “The 1970s to be precise. Age of the disco tech.”

“Ah. You know disco was invented in Russia?” Chekov teased with a wide grin. Sulu rolled his eyes fondly. “I still do not understand why we are here.” He said after a moment.

“Group seems to have a fondness for these kinds of clubs.” Sulu shrugged. “And there are only so many discos in the alpha quadrant.”

“You mean to tell me this,” Chekov gestured sarcastically around the club. “Is not extremely popular? I am truly shocked.”

“Well the band is supposed to be quite the knockout.” Sulu laughed at his own pun. Chekov shoved his shoulder.

They stood at the edge of the dance floor as people filed into the club. The sound of a bass began to rock the club as four people walked onto the stage, smiling and waving at the crowd. Chekov looked at Sulu. “That one winked at me.” He said pointing at the blonde woman on stage, who was looking in their direction.

“You always think someone’s winking at you.” Sulu rolled his eyes. “They usually are!” Chekov defended himself.

“They’re usually blinking.” Sulu responded teasingly.

“Quiet down, they’re starting.” Chekov grumbled, crossing his arms.

* * *

Jim pressed his fist against his mouth, glancing over to where Spock was standing, bent over his station doing some study or something. He couldn’t help but notice the way his heart skipped a beat, although he didn’t quite understand it. There were other things that required his attention. “Uhura?” Jim called, glancing over at his communications officer. “Have we gotten any updates from Sulu and Chekov?” Jim hated not being on the away team. It felt wrong to put other people’s lives in danger while he was sitting on his cushy starship. But as Spock pointed out, this mission was not particularly dangerous. It was recon. They could go down when Chekov and Sulu found out whether or not the band playing was the one

“No, sir. They’re scheduled to give an update in about ten minutes.” Uhura said, turning to look at Jim.

“Alright.” Jim let out a sigh, turning back to the view screen. He shifted in his chair, feeling restless. He shifted again, before he glanced over at Spock again. He stood, walking over to Spock. “And how are you keeping yourself busy during this tedious waiting?” He asked with a sigh, leaning on Spock’s station.

“I am rereading the reports we received from the previous incidents.” Spock responded, glancing up at Jim. “Feeling restless, Captain?”

“A bit.” Jim let out a breath. “I don’t feel good about this Spock.” “You simply wish you were a part of the action.” Spock responded, a fondness in his eyes.

“Maybe.” Jim responded with a small bitter smile. “I dunno Spock. It seems like it’s all too easy.”

“I believe there is an old Earth saying applicable here.” Spock said thoughtfully. “Do not look a gift horse in the mouth.”

Jim let out a soft chuckle, shaking his head. “Right as always, I suppose.” He pushed himself off of Spock’s station, a hand coming to rest on Spock’s shoulder. “I’ll let you get back to work.” Jim stretched his arms behind his head, walking back to his chair. “Uhura, any word from our boys yet?”

“Should be in any minute now, Captain.” Uhura responded. Jim let out a sigh and nodded, leaning back in his chair and hoping his fears were unfounded.

* * *

Chekov got pulled into the performance easily. Sulu kept watching the room warily. He looked for any unusual activity, but he saw nothing. A couple of drunks passed out in the booths and tables to the sides of the dance floor, but nothing quite so widespread as what they had heard about. It finally seemed like they could relax. The band was harmless. He pulled out his communicator to tell Uhura. But before he got it into his hand the band finished the song they had been performing and two of the individuals, the blond man and woman, were heading towards them. Sulu quickly moved to put his communicator away.

“Hello.” The woman smiled, her hand immediately moving to touch Chekov’s arm. “It’s always a treat to see Starfleet officers around, protecting us.” There was something artificial and insincere about her smile. Sulu didn’t like it. But Chekov was already hook, line and sinker.

“I’m glad to be of service…” Chekov smiled, leaning towards the woman.

“Tell us.” The man said, his gaze on Sulu. “Are you two here on business-“

“Or pleasure?” The woman finished, already gluing herself to Chekov’s side.

“We are here for-“

“Shore leave.” Sulu quickly finished, not trusting Chekov to be wary as he was.

“Yes, yes, shore leave.” Chekov nodded. “You are quite talented. And quite beautiful.” He flirted with a smile.

The man looked at Sulu with a similar smile, but Sulu didn’t trust it. “And did you like what you saw?” He asked Sulu, his voice accented with something he didn’t quite recognize.

“You’re all quite the talented group.” Sulu nodded, swallowing.

“Do you always bring your tricorders on your shore leave?” The man asked, suspicion in his eye.

“I was hoping to examine some of the local flora.” Sulu lied easily. “My friend insisted on watching your show first.” Sulu glanced over to where Chekov had been a moment before, but he was gone along with the blonde woman. Sulu turned back to look at the man, but he was already heading back to the stage, where the woman was. No Chekov. “Chekov?” Sulu called, but the music had already started up again and drowned out his voice. Anxiety rose in his chest. He pulled out his communicator. “Uhura?” He asked.

“Sulu? I can’t hear you.” Uhura’s muffled voice was barely audible over the sound of the music and the thuds that kept occurring as people fell to the ground around him.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit.” Sulu looked around him for any sign of Chekov, but he only saw the smiling faces of the band before he blinked once…twice…and then his eyes fell shut and he crumpled to the floor.


	3. Fernando

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heeeeeeeey guys. How’s it goin? I know it’s been a minute but I’m lazy and I’ve been getting ready to go back to school. Now I’m back and I spent the long ass drive writing this fic chapter for y’all yaaaaaaay  
> Hopefully y’all enjoy and if you do, let me know! I live for the feedback

Starfleet was after them there was no doubt of that now. They caught a glimpse of the Enterprise as they cloaked their ship and left orbit of the small moon. 

”The Enterprise, huh?” The brown haired man smiled at his companions. “We must be I’m pretty high demand for them to send the flagship after us.” 

”It means we haven’t been careful enough.” The blonde woman snapped. “We’ll have to go further this time, be more careful. We can’t be getting lazy.” She sighed, running a hand through her hair. “Maybe change our forms again…” She trailed off, looking at her hair as she ran her fingers through it. 

”But these forms are my favorite.” The blond man whined. “I don’t want to change again. 

”If they find us again we won’t have much of a choice.” The brunette warned. 

The blonde nodded. “Tighten your belts, it’ll be a minute before we can eat again.” 

* * *

Jim approached Sulu and Chekov, both being checked out by McCoy and Chapel. “How’re you two feeling?” He asked, arms crossed over his chest as Spock came to stand by his side. 

”I’d like to point out that Pavel was the one that got distracted and separated us.” Sulu said, earning a glare from Chekov. 

”I’m not accusing.” Jim said with an amused smile. “Genuinely asking.” 

”Though I have come to expect more from you, Ensign.” Spock raised an eyebrow towards a bashful Chekov. 

”Even the best of us get distracted by a pretty face sometimes.” McCoy waved him off. 

”A human occurrence.” Spock responded. 

McCoy rolled his eyes, mumbling something along the lines of, “Yeah, right.” 

”No bickering please.” Jim teased. “Sulu, Chekov how are you feeling?” 

”Drained.” Sulu answered with a forced smile. “Feels like I’m being built back up from scratch.” 

Chekov nodded his agreement. “Exhausted.” He agreed. “As though I haven’t slept in a week.” 

”There doesn’t seem to be long lasting damage that I can see.” McCoy said. “Fatigue, extreme hunger and thirst, but nothing that can’t be fixed with some rest and good food.” The doctor nodded. 

”Good.” Jim nodded. “Give me the report when you’re finished with it, Bones.” He ordered as he started towards the lift, Spock walking behind him. 

_Do you hear the drums, Fernando? I remember long ago another starry night like this. In the firelight, Fernando, you were humming to yourself and softly strumming your guitar. I could hear the distant drums and bugle calls were coming from afar._ Jim smiled slightly at his friend as the lift doors closed behind them. “You can’t blame the boy too harshly. He’s only human after all.” He glanced over at the stoic Vulcan. “Besides even you’ve had your instances of being distracted.” Spock raised an eyebrow. “Don’t give me that look.” Jim chuckled. “How about the Horta? Or the occasions where your ‘clumsiness’ has caused you to take a bullet for me? Sarpeidon?” Spock paled slightly at the mention of his unfortunate excursion into the past. “You didn’t think Bones wouldn’t tell me about that do you?” 

”I was…impaired.” Spock mumbled his excuse. 

”I know.” Jim offered a warm smile. “It happens…even to the best of us.” Spock stared at Jim, even as the man turned away. The fondness in his eyes even as the man scolded him for his perceived superiority. Spock had been momentarily distracted on far more occasions than the Captain was aware of, he was certain. But Jim could not be aware, that would only cause Spock more shame. Strange, how shame was the only emotion Vulcans seemed to promote. 

_They were closer now, Fernando. Every hour, every minute seemed to last eternity._

”What do you think Spock?” Jim asked, glancing over his shoulder as they exited the lift. 

Spock blinked. He hadn’t been paying attention to what Jim had been saying, lost in his own thoughts of emotionalism and the past. “Pardon?” 

That made a smile grow wide on Jim’s face as he shook his head slightly. “My plan.” He repeated. “I think it’s been a little too long since we got to play dress up.” 

It took a moment for Spock to understand what Jim meant. “You wish for us to go undercover.” He clarified. 

Jim nodded, stretching his arms behind his head. “If we’re undercover, they’re less likely to come after us. You’re less likely to get distracted, we don’t even know if their powers will affect you. We’ll find a way to get a good reading on them, figure out what it is they need and what they do.” 

”We do not know where they went, nor where their next target is.” Spock pointed out. 

”We’ll figure it out.” Jim promised. “In the meantime, do you know how to dance?” 

Spock’s eyes widened slightly. “Vulcans do not dance.” _I was so afraid Fernando. We were young and full of life and none of us prepared to die._

A wicked grin came onto Jim’s face. “Well Mister Spock, let’s meet in the gym after the shift is over.” Spock swallowed. 

* * *

“I do not understand why it is necessary we dance.” Spock responded in a voice that was suspiciously close to a grumble.

Jim stretched his arms above his head, looking at the music on the computer on the wall. “We need to get close enough to the band to scan them.” He explained. “From Chekov and Sulu’s reports it seems like the way to do that would be to dance.” 

Spock watched Jim stretch, feeling strangely lucky. Since they were dancing rather than sparring, Jim had forgone his usual, terrible workout clothes for a more sensible combination of a tank top and leggings that clung to his thighs less than the red monstrosity he normally wore. Spock opened his mouth to say something. 

”And if you were sitting by yourself somewhere it would be easier for us to get separated and distracted and ya know.” He shrugged, looking over his shoulder. “Have our energy drained.” 

Spock let out a nearly imperceptible sigh. He did not like this plan, but Jim did make it seem logical. 

”Hey.” Jim came towards Spock, putting his hands on his shoulders. The Vulcan lowered his gaze. “If it really makes you uncomfortable, you don’t have to do this.” He offered a comforting smile, squeezing Spock’s shoulders. “I can find someone else.” He assured him. 

Spock’s gaze snapped up to meet Jim’s. There was something in his eyes that Jim didn’t quite recognize. “No.” He said, shaking his head slowly. “I am the least likely target of the individuals. It would be…illogical to force another to go in my place.” 

Jim smiled. “Of course.” He took a step back, offering Spock his hand. He paused, realizing his mistake. He rubbed the back of his neck. “I think I see why you didn’t wanna dance.” He admitted. 

”My mental shields are up.” Spock said, holding out his hand. The corners of his mouth turned up in a smile. “May I have this dance, Captain?” 

Jim accepted the hand gingerly, grinning at his friend. “I’d be honored, Spock.” Sometimes he’d forget the significance of touch to the Vulcan. Jim was a touchy person, after all. But it was hard to for him to forget when it felt like electricity passed through their fingertips. When Spock looked at him with that smile that he swore wasn’t an expression of emotion. It made his heart race in his chest. He cleared his throat, realizing they had just been standing hand in hand for a moment. “Computer…play music.” 

_There was something in the air that night the stars were bright, Fernando. It was shining there for you and me for liberty, Fernando. Though I never thought that we could lose, there’s no regrets. If I had to do the same again, I would my friend Fernando._


	4. Lay All Your Love On Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys, sorry it’s been a sec. I have no excuse, oh well. I’m sure all five of y’all survived lmao. Anyways, enjoy!

_Don’t go wasting your emotion. Lay all your love on me._

Jim looked around the dive bar, the synth music pounding through his head, but there was a certain comfort to it. There was something so strangely comforting about the scene. He wanted Starfleet more than anything, but every once in a while he missed the nightlife that just wasn’t available to him anymore. He caught the eye of an attractive woman, winking before he met Spock’s gaze from across the room again. 

_I wasn’t jealous before we met, now every person I see is a potential threat._ Spock quashed the strange wave of emotion that moved through his chest as he walked through the crowds towards Jim. He felt strange, dressed in a disguise that fit in with the outfits of the club goers, a blue and green striped shirt with a v-neck that reached down to the middle of his chest and pants that were tight everywhere but the calf down. He missed his science uniform. He maneuvered through the hazy smoke filled room, managing to somehow avoid getting pulled into a dance or even brushing past someone. 

_I’m not possessive it isn’t nice._ Spock grabbed Jim’s arm, pulling the man to his chest. Jim was dressed similarly to Spock, a green vest showing off an expanse of golden skin, and those same tight black pants. 

_But now it isn’t true. Now everything is new. And all I’ve learned is overturned, I beg of you._ Jim held back the gasp that threatened to escape him when Spock manhandled him. He knew he didn’t teach him _that._ But he couldn’t find it in him to complain. 

”It has been nearly an hour since the band was scheduled to perform.” Spock leaned close to Jim’s ear to whisper. 

Jim swore he was paying attention to Spock’s words. But the music was so loud and Spock’s hands rested on the small of his back. His vest shifted and he was touching skin. _Don’t go wasting your emotion. Lay all your love on me._

”Jim.” Spock spoke again and Jim realized he never responded. 

_Don’t go sharing your devotion. Lay all your love on me._

Jim shook his head, trying to forget the words coursing through his veins with the music. ”Right.” He glanced around. “We could wait a little longer.” He offered, head buzzing, despite the fact that he didn’t take a drink and he’d been careful to avoid the places where the smoking was heaviest. “See if they’re just late.” He said hesitantly. _It was like shooting a sitting duck, a little small talk, a smile and baby I was stuck._

_Spock’s brow furrowed. “I do not believe that is necessary, Jim.” Jim could feel his breath on his cheek. His heart sped up in his chest, his face flushing slightly. Spock didn’t call him Jim in public. He understood why he was, but he couldn’t understand why it made his breath catch._

_”I…” Jim’s tongue felt too big for his mouth. He couldn’t find his words. He swallowed. “You’re right.” He finally answered. He put on a teasing smile, looking up at Spock. “Let’s finish out the song.”_

_”If you wish.” Spock responded, but Jim knew that tone of voice meant he didn’t understand. He tightened his hold minutely on Spock’s neck, letting his eyes fall shut for a moment._

* * *

__

Jim paced his room, wondering how the hell he got so touch starved. _I still don’t know what you’ve done with me. A grownup person should never fall so easily._ Spock danced with him for less than five minutes and suddenly he wasn’t functional anymore. The thought crossed his mind that he wasn’t just touch starved. _I feel a kind of fear when I don’t have you near, I’m satisfied, I skip my pride, I beg you dear._ He shook his head to clear his thoughts. 

Being touch starved was more reasonable, it made more sense, even though it wasn’t much. Jim wasn’t lonely. He wasn’t in want for company. _I’ve had a few little love affairs. They didn’t last very long and they were pretty scarce._ He even had some flings when the situation allowed for it. 

Jim swallowed. He could still feel where Spock’s hand had made contact with the skin of his lower back. He couldn’t shake their dance. He couldn’t get rid of the thought of Spock’s chest pressed against his. He couldn’t forget how Spock looked in that disguise. He shook his head again, trying to clear his brain like it was an etch a sketch. He felt Spock’s breath against his ear. 

”Fuck.” 

* * *

_I used to think I was sensible, it made the truth even more incomprehensible._

Spock found himself unable to meditate. His thoughts were drifting, as they did on occasion, to Jim. If his eyes shut he could feel Jim pressed against his chest. He could feel the soft pulse of emotions that slipped through his featherlight grip on Jim’s waist. He didn’t know what to do with the emotions he couldn’t block out. It was so brief before he realized the contact, but it left him so confused. _Cause everything is new and everything is you. And all I’ve learned is overturned. What can I do?_ What had he sensed? 

* * *

”I didn’t see any ‘Fleet officers.” The brown haired man complained. “We could have performed.” 

”We got something just from being there.” The brown haired woman scolded. 

”We might not have even done anything.” The blond man pointed out. 

”But if they were undercover…” The blonde woman reminded them. “Then…I think we’ll have distracted them for a little bit.” She let out a delicate laugh. 

_Don’t go wasting your emotions. Lay all your love on me._


	5. Knowing Me, Knowing You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, sorry for the wait, everything’s been hectic, I’m dying a little, and I’ve had no inspiration. Hopefully this chapter is at least a little worth the wait. No Abbaliens this time, but feelings, so that’s nice. This fic may end up being much shorter than I expected, maybe not. I have no idea.
> 
> Anyways, hope you enjoy and if you do, let me know!

_No more carefree laughter. Silence ever after._

Jim glanced over his shoulder at Spock. Standing in the turbolift they were in close quarters, but somehow Spock had never felt so far away. It was as though suddenly they were strangers again, working together for the first time. As if everything they’d been through meant nothing, as if they didn’t even know each other. Jim hoped he was projecting and Spock didn’t feel any of this, but part of him knew it had to be at least slightly bad for Spock. This whole thing was so awkward, like there was a foot of glass between them. Jim wondered if Spock had any idea why things were so strained between them. If that worked to make things worse. 

”Captain-“ 

”Spock-“ Jim started at the same time. Spock nodded his head, silently telling Jim to go first. “Ah…no.” Jim let out a breath, rubbing the back of his neck. “I don’t even really know what I was going to say. You go first.” 

”Captain…Jim.” Spock took a moment to collect his thoughts. “While we were undercover I…it was an accident.” He said quickly. 

”What happened, Spock?” Jim asked, concern furrowing his brow. 

”I…I accidentally touched your skin and felt…the faintest pulse of emotion.” Spock spoke quickly, as if afraid he’d lose his cool. “It was not my intention.” 

”Oh.” Jim’s eyebrows shot upwards. His cheeks flushed slightly, though he tried to fight it back. “What precisely did you note, Mister Spock?” He asked, trying to play the cool, charming captain while he internally lost his mind. 

Lust, affection, lust, friendship, lust, frustration and lust. Spock didn’t say any of this. “I am…not quite sure.” A half truth, of true at all. He knew the emotions, but he could not explain them, didn’t understand them. 

”To be perfectly candid, me neither, Spock.” Jim answered with a strained smile. He let out a breath, running a hand through his hair. He took a step towards Spock. “Spock, I…humans can’t control how we feel. You know that. But sometimes we wish we could. Do you understand?” He looked at Spock, his gaze filled with all the emotions he couldn’t express. _This is where the story ends, this is goodbye._

Spock didn’t understand. “Jim, I am not sure-“ 

”Spock, whatever you felt, it doesn’t matter.” Jim said quickly. “What matters is what I’m telling you now.” He put a hand on Spock’s shoulder, his gaze boring into Spock’s. “Spock, you are my first officer, my advisor, my confidante, my best friend.” He squeezed Spock’s shoulder. “Nothing else matters, because those things are the most important. Do you understand?” 

Spock’s mind whirred. _Knowing me, knowing you._ He was correct in his interpretations of emotions, Jim was aroused during their dance, but he didn’t want to pursue a relationship. He didn’t want to ruin their friendship. Spock felt a surge of affection rise in his chest, a twinge of something he couldn’t decipher settling in his stomach. “Yes, Captain. I believe I do.” _There is nothing we can do._

”Good.” Jim nodded, letting out a sigh of relief. _Knowing me, knowing you._ He tried to ignore the disappointment in the back of his mind. He had no reason to be disappointed. This was a better outcome than he could have hoped for, and yet he couldn’t help but wonder if what would happen if they didn’t have their restrictions. If they could have a relationship. _I just have to face it this time we’re through._

_Knowing me knowing you is the best I can do._

* * *

_Memories, good days, bad days, they’ll stay with me always._ Spock still saw Jim when he let his eyes fall shut. He still heard his voice when he longed for silence. Meditation didn’t come to him, he still felt the warmth of Jim’s flesh beneath his fingertips. Jim was similarly affected, but he did not seek a relationship. Spock didn’t want a relationship. Spock was honored by Jim’s friendship, anymore would be greedy. And yet he couldn’t stop the human half of his heart from longing. From imagining Jim’s hands on the sides of his face, fingers gently brushing over his cheeks. Spock gasped, forcing his eyes open. Spock moved to his feet, beginning to pace around the room. _Now there’s only emptiness, nothing to say._

* * *

_Knowing me, knowing you, there is nothing we can do._

Jim bolted up from his bed, gasping for air. He ran his hands through his hair, trying to collect himself, willing his heart to stop racing and his body to calm down. It had only been a dream. A wet dream. About Spock. “Fuck.” Jim cursed, moving to get up. He knew it was wrong. He had woken up in the middle of it because he knew it was wrong. He was lucky enough Spock wasn’t pissed at him for sensing his emotions. He was lucky Spock wasn’t requesting a transfer at that moment. He was lucky Spock still wanted to be his friend. 

He paced the room, trying to figure out where the hell this had all come from. He was touch starved, sure. Spock was attractive, of course. But he couldn’t…he didn’t want to have a fling with Spock. He couldn’t do that to him. But if that wasn’t the case, that meant his subconscious wanted a relationship with him, and that was an even worse thought. He couldn’t have feelings for Spock. That would fuck up everything. He had to figure out a way out of this. _We just have to face it this time we’re through._ Take some shore leave, sleep with someone else, anything to get his mind off of this…off of- 

”Captain? Are you awake?” 

Jim heard the curious voice over the comm. Shit. “Yes, Spock. Couldn’t sleep.” He answered truthfully. “How’d you know?” He couldn’t stop the fond smile that took over his face. 

”I was in the bathroom and I heard movement.” Spock responded. 

”You couldn’t sleep either?” Jim asked, a wry smile touching his features. 

”Vulcans do not require much rest.” Spock answered. Jim could hear the pause. “But, I was having difficulty meditating.” 

Jim chuckled softly. “Care for a late night game of chess to get your mind off of things?” He asked. 

There was a moment of hesitation, for a second Jim worried how this might seem to Spock’s logical mind. His fears were assuaged by the answer that came over. “I will be right over.” Spock responded. 

_Knowing me, knowing you is the best I can do._


	6. Winner Takes it All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has like the biggest plot point in this fic, with a healthy amount of pining and of course a bop of an ABBA song. Anyways enjoy and let me know if you do! Love a good comment, etc.

Jim set up the board, but neither of them spoke through the set up or the first few rounds. _I don’t wanna talk about the things we’ve gone through._ Neither of them understood the ache that had settled in both of them. The desire for a relationship neither thought they could have. _Though it’s hurting me, now it’s history._ They were both in an understanding. _I’ve played all my cards and that’s what you’ve done too. Nothing more to say. No more ace to play._

They went through the motions, playing the game, but neither found any relief. It came to the point where Jim couldn’t stand the silence. “What’s been keeping you up?” He asked, eyes finally glancing up to meet Spock’s for the shortest amount of time possible. He then decided that was too much and returned his gaze to the chessboard. 

Spock had almost grown comfortable in the uncomfortable silence. He should’ve expected the question, and yet he prepared no response. “Our current mission.” Spock said. Not a complete lie. Their mission was what brought up these…troubling thoughts. _I was in your arms, thinking I belonged there. I figured it made sense._ “And you?” 

”I had a dream.” Jim responded with a sigh. _Thinking I’d be strong there. But I was a fool, playing by the rules._ He played an unexpected move, looking up just to see the flash of a smile that crossed Spock’s face. His heart picked up speed in his chest and he silently cursed himself. 

”My mother told me once that the way to quash a dream is to talk about it.” Spock responded idly, acting as though Jim hadn’t started on the path to beating him. 

”I don’t think I could even begin to explain it.” Jim offered with a forced smile that told Spock not to force it. “Check.” 

* * *

_The gods may throw a dice, their minds as cold as ice._

”There was a Vulcan at the gig we were supposed to have.” The blonde woman said thoughtfully. 

”Yes, and?” The brown haired man asked with a huff. 

”Vulcans aren’t particularly known to enjoy dancing.” The blonde pointed out. 

”What if he’s one of those rebellious Vulcans?” The man groaned. 

”What if he’s Starfleet?” The brown haired woman demanded. “That feels more likely, especially knowing they’re on our asses.” 

”Well what do you want us to do about it?” The blond man huffed. “We’re not there anymore!” 

”How do you think it would feel to…wrench a Vulcan’s emotions from them. To find what makes them tick and use it? To sap that wealth of emotion from them?” The blonde woman was practically salivating as she walked around her partners. “Wouldn’t that be delicious?” 

_And someone way down there, loses someone dear._

* * *

Jim started cleaning up the chess pieces after he won the game, Spock moving to assist, silence once again ringing between them. They reached for the same pawn at the same moment, hands brushing against one another. Spock took in a breath, quickly yanking his hand back before he could feel anything. Jim did the same, anxiety evident in his eyes. Both of them simply stared each other for a moment, breathing, fearing, longing. Jim finally cleared his throat. “I can finish cleaning up.” He said softly, looking down at the board. “I hope you’re able to meditate better now.” 

Spock hesitated for a moment before he nodded. “I hope you find sleep.” He responded, turning to leave. He glanced over his shoulder at Jim before he let out a sigh, returning to his quarters. 

Jim took the piece they had both reached for in his hands, holding it gently and staring at it as though it were the object of his affections. _The winner takes it all, the loser has to fall. It’s simple and it’s plain, so why should I complain?_

* * *

Despite the strange feelings that had risen between them and solidified into an awkwardness, the boys had a job to do, and they knew this. 

”Let’s meet back by the door in ten minutes.” Jim said softly to Spock. “See what we can find.” 

Spock nodded, stowing away the slight disappointment he felt, knowing they wouldn’t be dancing again together tonight. He would deal with that with his next futile attempt to meditate. He let out a breath as he looked out onto the dance floor. The writhing bodies of the people put into a something almost like a trance by the music. Spock glanced over, seeing Jim get pulled into a dance by a pretty blonde woman. 

The lyrics to the song startled him slightly. _”Tell me does she kiss, like I would’ve kissed you? Will it feel the same when she calls your name? Somewhere deep inside you must know I want you. But what can I say? Rules must be obeyed.”_ Spock swallowed, turning quickly away from Jim, determined to stop watching. 

The brown haired woman pointed Spock out to her two male companions. “The ears.” She hissed. “Vulcan.” 

The blond man breathed in deeply in Spock’s direction. “There is…so much locked beneath there.” He licked his lips. “Tantalizing.” He smiled to his companions. 

”So?” The woman raised an eyebrow. 

_The judges will decide the likes of me abide, spectators of the show, always staying low._

”Mister Spock-“ Jim breathed, finally able to break away from the woman that pulled him into a dance. “I haven’t been able to get away.” He said, grabbing Spock and pulling him into a dance, hands wrapping around his shoulders. Spock, surprised, placed his hands on Jim’s waist. Hands briefly touched the place where Jim’s shirt rode up, and Spock received a dizzying wave of warmth and relief. _The game is on again, a lover or a friend. A big thing or a small, the winner takes it all._

”Have you seen anything suspicious, Spock?” Jim asked desperately. “I swear that woman is up to something, the way she latched onto me. It’s like she knew.” He shook his head. 

”Or perhaps you forget how charming you can be.” Spock responded idly, finger moving just above his skin again. 

”Mister Spock, you flatter.” Jim batted his eyelashes, ignoring the way his heart pounded in his chest. _I don’t wanna talk, if it makes you feel sad._

”I have not seen anything particularly suspicious, nor have I seen the band said to be performing tonight.” Spock changed the subject. 

”Alright.” Jim let out a sigh, looking around them. “I suppose we should look out a little bit longer. See if we can find this band. Guess I’ll ask grabby hands if she knows anything about it.” He glanced back at Spock. “Thanks for the dance, handsome.” He winked, slipping away. 

Spock swallowed, watching Jim as he walked through the crowd towards the woman he called grabby hands. _And I understand. You’ve come to shake my hand._

”You’re Vulcan aren’t you?” A brown haired woman asked, popping up besides Spock. She had a sweet smile on her face. Something alluring in it, that Spock didn’t trust. 

Spock glanced over his shoulder back at Jim. “I am.” He responded. 

The music pounded in his head, soft and mournful, yet entirely too loud. _”I apologize if it makes you feel bad. Seeing me so tense. No self confidence._

”And you’re Starfleet aren’t you?” She asked, and Spock became aware of people on either side of him, boxing him in, shoulders pressed against his. 

An answer formed on his tongue, but her hand was on his arm and he suddenly found himself to be extremely fatigued. He tried to fight against it but _the winner takes it all. The loser has to fall. Throw a dice, cold as ice. Way down here, someone dear takes it all, has to fall._ “Jim-“ 

_The winner takes it all…_


	7. Gimme Gimme Gimme/One of Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry it’s been so long since I’ve updated literally anything. Things have been absolutely buck wild (also I’ve been working on a Big Bang fic, but yeah). Anyways this is probably the fic the fewest people are interested in, but whatevs, it’s due for an update, I like writing it. Someone? Probably? Likes reading it? Idk
> 
> If that’s you, let me know. This is such a weird fic if u like it u should express that to me.  
> Anyways, thanks for reading and enjoy!

”Spock?” Jim didn’t see the Vulcan anywhere. The woman had finally let him go, but his first officer was nowhere to be seen. Panic began to rise in his chest as he tried to push his way off the dance floor. 

Behind him, the curtain rose in front of the stage to reveal a group of four people, one of whom was the woman that was dancing with him. Jim turned around to look at them, right as the music started, and the band began to play. 

_Half-past twelve and I’m watching the late night show in my flat all alone._

Jim started to cover his ears. He couldn’t get sucked into their trap, he just needed to find Spock. _How I hate to spend the evening on my own._ He grew frantic, running to one of the tables at the side of the room and standing on a chair, trying to get a better look. 

_Autumn winds blowing outside my window as I look around the room._

Jim finally looked onstage, only to see the blonde woman looking directly at him with a smirk that sent ice through his veins. _And it makes me so depressed to see the gloom._ She lifted her hand, pointing towards Jim. The brown haired woman followed her lead as they began to sing in eerie harmony. _Is there a man out there? Someone to hear my prayers?_

”Spock?” Jim shouted, trying to make his voice heard over the pounding beat of the music and the sound of the dancers around the bar. It was no use. He couldn’t see Spock anywhere. “Spock?” 

_Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight! Won’t somebody help me chase the shadows away? Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight! Take me through the darkness to the break of the day!_

”Scotty!” Jim shouted into his communicator, breaking away from the borderline riotous crowds. “Scotty, I need you to scan for Spock’s life signs, I think they got him.” He said, panic creeping into his voice as he finally managed to make it out of the bar. 

”What was that laddie?” Scott asked. “I can’t hear you over the racket.” 

Jim walked further from the bar, the music still pounding in his head. _Movie stars find the end of the rainbow with a fortune to win. It’s so different from the world I’m living in._

”Scotty, I can’t find Spock. I need you to scan for his life signs.” _I open the window and I gaze into the night, but there’s nothing there to see, no one in sight._ Jim’s voice was frantic, his eyes searched the sky for any suspicious ships or places where they could have hidden Spock. 

_Is there a man out there? Someone to hear my prayers?_

”Scotty!” Jim exclaimed desperately. 

”I can’t find him, Captain! But I’m still looking!” Scott’s voice responded. 

”Shit, shit, shit.” Jim cursed, pacing back and forth in front of the bar. “Are there any ships in the atmosphere you can detect? Any place they could’ve taken him?” He demanded after a few moments with no response. 

”I’m looking, Captain!” Scotty exclaimed back. 

Jim looked into the bar’s windows, and saw people begin to drop to the floor. He let out a swear. “This is definitely the group! We need to find their ship and stop them from leaving!” He picked up his communicator. “And while we’re at it, I need some reinforcements down here! Security team, please!” 

* * *

”Jim?” Bones entered his room, voice soft, bottle of whiskey in hand. 

”What is it, Bones?” Jim asked, voice equally quiet. Jim was sat at his desk, head resting on his hands. 

”Do you want a drink?” Bones asked awkwardly, walking towards the desk. Be held out the bottle. 

”I think I’m alright.” Jim shook his head slightly. 

”Jim…we’ll find him.” McCoy said, putting the bottle down and placing a hand on Jim’s shoulder. “We’ve found the group, what? Three different times now? We’ll find ‘em again.” He said encouragingly. 

”I don’t doubt that we’ll find him, Bones.” Jim said, leaning back onto one. “I’m not really worried about finding him, I’m worried about what he’ll be like when we do.” He looked up at his friend, and the doctor saw the pure concern visible in Jim’s eyes. “We don’t know what exactly they do, Bones. We know they…feed on energy, emotion maybe. They make people pass out. Now that’s not the worst case in the world, but what happens if they keep feeding?” He demanding. “What will be left of Spock when we find him again?” 

”Jim…” McCoy didn’t know what to say. He didn’t have any platitudes that he could think of to comfort his friend. “Spock is…a tough egg to crack. He’ll last longer than a human. He’ll be alright.” 

”You can’t promise that.” Jim shook his head. 

”No, but I have to believe it. For both our sakes.” McCoy left the bottle of whiskey on Jim’s desk, in case he changed his mind. He gave Jim one last pat on the shoulder and one more pitying glance before he left the captain’s quarters. 

Jim took in a deep breath. He side-eyed the bottle before he grabbed a glass. One shot wouldn’t hurt. He knocked back the drink, letting his mind start to wander back to Spock. Everything with him had been so awkward. His feelings for Spock…they were ruining their friendship. And worse than that, those awkward interactions could be the last ones between them. 

_They pass me by, all of those great romances. It’s as if you’re robbing me of my rightful chances._ Jim corked the bottle, moving it to the side of the desk. _Our picture clear, everything seemed so easy. So I dealt you the blow, one of us had to go._ Jim swallowed, moving to change into his sweatpants he could sleep in. He felt tears begin to stream down his face, but he tried to ignore them. _Now it’s different I want you to know. One of us is crying, one of us is lying in his lonely bed, staring at the ceiling, wishing he was somewhere else instead._ As Jim laid down for the night, he wished that he was the one they took instead of Spock. He would do anything to get Spock back safe. 

* * *

Spock woke to find himself tied to a chair in a dimly lit grey room. None of the aliens were around him at the moment, but he could hear harmonizing just beyond his cell walls. He thought of Jim. He had to find a way to get back to him, away from these creatures. He closed his eyes, trying to center himself. 

_One of us is lonely, one of us is only, waiting for a call, sorry for himself feeling stupid feeling small, wishing he had never left at all._

”Jim?” His mind called through space to find his captain. He didn’t know if this would work. He never utilized the light bond that had been created. He didn’t want to startle Jim with its presence, but desperate times called for desperate measures. 

* * *

”Spock?” Jim shouted, bolting awake. 

_Never left at all…_


End file.
